Wednesday, April 21, 2010
This last weekend I went out shopping with my boyfriend, W and he inspired me to buy oils again. He knows I have been trying to re-boot my creative juices after a very, long mental block (what I like to call my deep, dark, black hole) and since he is pretty much my biggest supporter for anything I do artistically, he forced the desperately needed inspiration into my dried up creative mind. Thank goodness for him!
Anyway, so we went into this little arts shop and I got a full supply of shiny, new painting stuff... from canvases to linseed oil. So here I am prepared to let the caged artist in me loose. And I am so excited! I am so excited that I am so excited! But I am utterly terrified at the same time.
I haven't painted in about 3 years and with oils, about 7 (back in my school days)! I am completely terrified I have forgotten how. I am feeling totally out of my league.
I used to love to disappear in my own little, fantasy world of light, tints and colours, where anything was possible. I used to stay awake till early hours of the morning, with my earphones in, painting, getting high on turps and covered in oils. I lost all track of time when I was painting, nothing else in this world mattered. It was amazing, I love to paint. It brings back so many fond, warm feelings deep inside me. But as the years went by, somewhere along the way I lost it, I got a job and never found the time and slowly my paint dried up and my painting stuff got moved into storage. It's all very sadly pathetic really.
But now I have this new lease on painting, free reign, no one marking me, no deadlines, no set topics... just all me and my ideas... and it terrifies me. I know all I need to do is just blob that first bit of paint onto that crisp, untainted, pure, white canvas and I will be halfway there, but it's not as easy as it seems. Since buying my new supplies, I have constantly been in search for the perfect topic, the perfect moment, the perfect mood. (I think it's all just my usual, procrastinating self, mixed in with the nerves)
Well my studio awaits, fresh with promise and freedom, I just need to dive right in and let the paint swallow me whole, before the dust settles and I loose my nerve. Maybe I will paint a crow :) G