Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
So yesterday it was Woman's day in South Africa. And what a wonderful time it is to be a woman. I consider myself incredibly lucky to be born in the century I was born in and in the country I was born in. I have a job, I can vote, I wear what I please, love who I want, live how I want, I have my own money, which I can spend anyhow I please, I can control every aspect of my life and I am free to be any version of me I choose to be. At a darker time and even still in dark places around the world, woman were and are not so lucky. For them, to be a woman is and was a curse. For these women my heart aches. Many died without knowing the freedom and strength they held within their souls, many still live without the taste of independence on their lips, caged in a flawed, antiquated world. But I am lucky enough to feel treasured and am so proud to be a spirited, free woman. As a woman I stand with pride for independence, love, passion, respect, equality, nurturing and kindness. And I give thanks to those women who gave us, the women of their future the power to live a life on equal terms, with love and respect. So yesterday I didn't celebrate my Woman's day by burning my bra or chaining myself naked to a government building, like our strong, beautiful, revolutionary ancestors, because of them I was able to go out and have a quiet, special day with my mother. We went to movies and then lunch and it was lovely. I am very grateful to be able to do this. I am grateful to be a woman. And I am very proud of the woman I am. So here is to all the remarkable woman of our present and our past. Make every day Woman's day, and walk with pride and respect, we owe it to those who got us here. G :)
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
The world is different in your absence.
The space next to me trembles and throbs at its' loss.
My shaky hands feel wrong without yours' entwined in them.
My skin doesn't feel like my own.
My empty eyes are leaking.
The tap won't switch off.
The light won't switch on.
It's dark and lonely.
It hurts everyday.
Every single part of my body mourns.
It is like each limb on a string, is a puppet to my mangled heart.
The pain cuts through me.
Deep and ragged, raging red.
I hold my breath and grit my teeth.
Waiting for it to fade into a gentle ache.
In the middle of the night I wake up with tears streaming down my face, clutching my chest as it bleeds.
Everything is wrong.
Without you living feels false, like my glassy smile.
Every step I take I turn to look for you.
Each second I am waiting for your pleading call.
I fall asleep with your name on my lips and your tears in my eyes.
And wake up every morning wishing you were lying next to me.
But you have gone
And this day is erroneous.
This week. This month. I am simply functioning, no longer alive.
Just waiting for the next day, the next week, year.
Waiting for the pain to leave or for you to show up.
The world feels faulty.
I feel defective.
Hollow, numb, useless.
It's so easy to forget our grey
when the world without you is so deadly black and cold.
It's so easy to ignore the scar when
this open wound clots and the pain surges within my very core.
The bare space where my heart was throbs incessantly.
I am so lost without you.
I miss the chaos that was us.
I miss your smile, as well as my own.
I don't want to live without you.
But what other choice do i have.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
I hear you.
In the back of my mind.
I know you are all alone in there,
Confused and afraid.
I feel like I am going insane.
I guess if keep talking to myself, I am.
No one else is here except the walls
and their hollow echo.
No one seems to know my struggle.
Is anybody out there?
Do they even hear you?
I hear you crying out.
What else can I do?
I talk to you, comfort you.
Maybe that means I am going crazy.
Maybe that means I should be locked away.
But I hear you.
How can I ignore you,
Shivering in the corner.
Alone in the dark.
Damaged beyond repair.
Your wings broken.
Your heart numbed and deadened.
Your dreams limp next to you, perished.
You are to pathetic to ignore.
So I sit next to my friend.
I comfort you.
My tearful eyes looking back at me.
I will never leave you.
Maybe this means I am going insane.
Maybe this is the first sign of madness.
I don't care.
You are pretty good company.
Alone in the dark with myself.