Numb 2

I can not feel anymore.
The tears have stopped flowing.
When I eventually feel their salty warmth,
the pain does not intensify.
My heart does not throb, or jump or scream.
I don't even feel them slipping past my eyes onto my pillow.

I don't feel happy but I don't feel sad.
Surrounded by this radiant laughter and happiness,
It seems to hover on the outside not penetrating my core.
I feel my lips curve in a familiar smile.
But I don't feel the joy glowing inside me.
The flashing of my teeth only done by habit.

I receive bladed words from your sweet lips,
But they don't seem to cut at my skin.
Even as my clotted blood pours from my flesh,
Pooling around my feet.
I can not feel the pain.
I can not feel your thoughtless loathing.

I feel like I could simply float away.
Disappear into the sky.
Fall asleep and never wake up.
This would not upset me.
I am on the outside of this world.
Looking in but not truly here.

I am not suicidal.
I don't want death or pain.
But I do enjoy the numb.
Just darkness.
I want to slip into the black
and feel its peace fog and surround me.

My brain has finally taken control.
My wounded heart has shutdown.
Its wings have been broken, its spirit shattered.
Warm anesthetics is bled through my veins.
My body drinks it in, enjoying this welcomed numb.
Looking in through this hazy glass.

Finally I feel safe.

G©